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Sep. 1st, 2005 @ 05:11 pm Stuff
I'm feeling pretty: crushedcrushed
Well... if you had asked me what JC and I would be doing right now this time last year I probably would say we'd be thinking about what we were gonna do for dinner. However, things have changed so drasticallyl over the last two weeks that my life has basically come to a halt.
Something happened between the two of us. We started dating ... we were living together.. and we were each other's best friend ... and we worked together. He went from begging to date and crying on my shoulder cause I said no to telling me he needed space after we decided to date for 8 months. I never once expected to be in this position. If anything I thought i'd be the one breaking up with him.
This wouldn't be so hard for me had I not also lost my best friend as well. He told me he just tneeded space and time and that things would be fine and we'd perhaps try and worrk on things. I believed in him and couldn't wait to move out so I could be even closer to him. Well, when moved out my friendship with johnny ended. He became a different person almost over night. He found out I went on a date with someone and the next day he told me he met someone and they were dating. This kid is the complete opposite of me and is very bad for johnny. I've told him that, but he doesn't care.
Johnny doesn't talk to me anymore, he doesn't return my phone calls or e-mails but when I see him look at me at work I can tell he still has feelings for me. That hurts the worst becuase I know it's there and he's hiding it. He treats me so horrible when I do try to talk to him. My heart is so big though that I just can't walk away. I know i'm only hurting myself by trying to keep myself in his life, but I can't help but to think he'll realize he's made a big mistake and will come back.
You see, I don't care who you are you can't take almost 3 years of your life and just delte it like he's trying to do. Why would you want to anyway. My heart is broken and my life seems to just be in shambles and I can't do anythign about it. Nothing makes me happy... except for the thought that the one person that I held on to might be thtinking of me.
I wish I could move on but I know everyone in this town and there's nobody here for me. I just wish I knew why he's acting like I don't exist. What makes people do things like this? he says he cares about me and stitll loves me and needs space and time but does that mean I don't exist?
Even if I dont have him as my boyfriend - I want my fucking best friend back. He means the world to me and without him everything means nothing to me.
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